The Way it is
by helloelizabeth
Summary: CP Coulter's Daltonverse. Julian Larson's last 10 minutes on campus before his taxi arrives. He reflects on his friendship and time spend at Dalton. Post Hell Night.


The Way it is

Julian Larson sat on the top step of Stuart House beside three nearly packed suitcases. He slipped his phone into his pocket after reading Carmen's text. It confirmed that she had called him a taxi, and that he had about ten more minutes until his car arrived. Ten more minutes of being a Dalton student. Ten more minutes until he could breathe again. But _he_ never would. The one who had never made it out of Hell Night. The funeral was a month ago and nothing was getting any easier. The nightmares continued on, night after night, but they were welcome compared to his days. If he heard someone say "it's not your fault" one more time, he thought he would die himself.

Every time the actor walked into a room, all conversation would stop for a few seconds before an awkward silence would take it's place. Julian used to be the life of the party. Now no one knew how to act around him.

A week ago Julian had been sitting under a maple tree doing homework, having been dragged outside by Derek who claimed that he "needed fresh air". Kurt and Blaine were a few feet away introducing the new transfer student to Logan. The new boy flirted and asked the prefect for a tour around the Warbler's Hall. Logan looked pleased for a moment until his eyes flitted to where Julian was sitting. He flushed and a guilty look replaced his grin. Julian bit his tongue and casually fished in his bag for his Ray Bans.

He felt a body sit down beside him, and glanced up to see Kurt looking at him with an understanding look. Julian heard nothing but pity in his friend's voice when he said, "You don't have to keep pretending, you know that right?" When the actor didn't respond, he spoke again. "Everyone knows now. We all know that this is hurting you. Look, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here." Kurt then got up and smiled sadly at Julian before leading the others away.

Julian's thoughts were brought back to the present as he noticed how uncomfortably cold the stone steps were to sit on. He checked his phone again. Five more minutes. Derek wouldn't be coming to see him off. He had soccer practice for another hour, until five thirty. Although, if Julian was being completely honest with himself, he would admit that Derek probably already knew that he was leaving. There wasn't anything, or anyone for him to stay for. It was his time to move on, and that's why Derek didn't try to stop him from making this decision. Julian was holding his friends back, and he knew it.

He was going away, but this time, he was going to take a different approach. If Logan called, he'd answer the phone. Julian would visit them in the summer if Logan or Derek asked him to, and maybe Logan would keep in touch for a while. Cutting the boy out of his life hadn't worked before, and there was no reason that it would now. The past month had proved to Julian that his life would never be the same. The Stuart Trio was definitely past it's golden years, but maybe that was for the better. Give Derek a chance to breathe at least.

He imagined the rich sound of Logan's singing voice, sometimes the only thing that could help him fall asleep these days. He enjoyed it when the blond sang Beatles songs in particular. Logan would never know this, but Julian couldn't think of anything more beautiful than the way that he captured their simple melodies.

Then he heard a familiar deep voice ring out from inside the open window. Julian could recognize Logan's piano playing before he started singing, but he couldn't place the song. Maybe he wasn't meant to. Logan could have wrote the tune, after all, putting emotion into his music was his forte, and this melancholic sound brought a sad feeling to Julian's heart. He heard best friends, summers spent by the lake, and hours spent studying and watching movies on Logan's bed.

The tempo increased, and suddenly Julian was listening to the month of October in freshman year when Logan had an allergic reaction to peanuts, the day that Julian saved his life. He was reminded of the first time that Derek ever met Clark Sawyer on set a few weeks later. Clark had asked Derek why it was that Julian carried an Epi-Pen everywhere he went, though he had no allergies. Logan would never know.

Logan's voice grew higher and higher, until he was almost singing in a falsetto. It made Julian think of the game that their friendship used to be. The cat and mouse game of teasing paparazzi and running from foreign girls who would simply _not _believe that Logan just didn't swing their way.

Julian heard Logan's first Warbler solo, then the many that followed. Every single one of them. He wondered whether or not Logan had seen a movie that he was in, or even an episode of Something Damaged.

He was then reminded of last June, when his first single came out. The first comment that Logan made was, "It sounds rather auto-tuned, doesn't it?" Julian was lucky that it happened to rain that day.

The speed of the music slowed down again, and Julian was met with the most nostalgic sound that he had ever heard. He couldn't make out the lyrics, but he knew what Logan was trying to say was not hidden in his words. It was in the feeling that was coming to an end.

The actor felt hot tears sting his eyes, and in that moment, he truly knew what if felt to be heartbroken, because he didn't lose a lover, he lost a friend. Logan's voice first faltered, then cracked as he tried to hold back his sobs, and for the first time in their friendship, Julian didn't find Logan to comfort him.

The last thing he heard was goodbye.

And maybe that meant that Logan was letting go too.

The taxi honked once, and Julian grabbed his bags, struggling with all three. The car honked again, and Julian gave up, simply leaving them on the front steps of Stuart House. Blinded by tears, he swung his backpack onto his shoulder and flipped up his hood as raindrops started falling. The early summer shower would wash away every piece of evidence. His footprints would fade, a new transfer student would move into his old dorm room, and Julian's picture would not appear with the 2013 graduating class.

But perhaps Julian would be in a few more movies, or maybe write an album of his own and focus on his music career. He could start a charity to try to compensate, in any small way he could, for _him_. And as for himself, he would consider taking a trip around the world, maybe stop in Paris, and prove that there is a world outside of Ohio and Hollywood. He would just have to find it for himself.

Life would go on, and so would Julian Larson.


End file.
